I Just Want Mom
by Stef1981
Summary: Callie visiting Stef in the hospital after she was shot. Stef was shot in the line of duty and she is already married to Lena. I am not sure how long this will be it's based on what you guys think. It's my first fanfiction so I am super super nervous about posting. I hope you enjoy. Story focuses on Stef, Callie and Lena. Let me know your thoughts! :)
1. I Love You Mom

Summary: Callie visiting Stef in the hospital after she was shot. In this story Stef was shot in the line of duty unlike in the show. She is also already married to Lena. I am not sure how long this will be it's based on what you guys think. :) It's my first FanFiction so I am a little nervous about this. I hope you enjoy. Story focuses on Stef, Callie and Lena, no Brallie. I do not own the Fosters I just love the show.

Callie POV

Room 6b. Stefanie Adams Foster read the nameplate on the hospital room door. My eyes fixated on Stef's name as I rubbed each letter with my finger almost tracing it. I placed my hand slowly on the cold knob resisting more than anything to turn it as I could feel my tears falling again. Turning the knob would mean I would need to open it and opening it would mean I would have go in. Going in would mean I would have to face it. Facing it would mean it would be a reality. And this would be a reality that I would have to deal with. A reality I didn't want to deal with or accept for that matter. None of us did. The reality was that Stef had been shot and the doctors told us she was very critical and that they needed to monitor her very closely. She had lost a lot of blood. At this point I couldn't help but feel like life had been playing one big joke on me ever since my mother died a few years ago. How could I not feel that way. It just didn't seem to be on my side at all. That was the whole reason I had closed off my heart to begin with and I had been successful. That was until I met Stef and Lena a few months ago.

I don't know when it happened in fact I don't even know how it happened or how I could let it happen. Despite my best efforts to block both Stef and Lena from entering my heart they had. They had found their way deep inside of it and apparently Jude and I had found our way deep inside their hearts too. It was only a few days ago that they told us they wanted to adopt us. I didn't think I had heard right considering all the trouble I had caused from the minute I first walked into their home. I didn't exactly make the best first impression especially with Stef. We bumped heads from day one and I found a way to break every single rule she implemented. Stef was the one I'd battle with, yell back at and just be flat out rude too. Lena had to be the peace keeper between us because of my back talking. She had grounded me countless times, and taken away every privilege imaginable especially after I had run away twice. Both times she tracked me down. Stef was relentless and my heart picked up on how far she would go for me. Even if I didn't want her too. But she had become the one that had seen me cry for the first time, she heard every single bad thing that had happened to me, she was the one that comforted me when I had nightmares about being abused. She was the one I talked to about what kind of person my mother had been. She was the one that let me sneak sips of her morning coffee and wink at me as to say it was our special secret. She was the one that checked on me twice every night. She was the one who texted me every morning when I got to school saying she loved me to the moon and back. I don't remember when I stopped battling her, yelling and being defiant to her. I don't remember when all that anger turned into me loving her so much. All I knew was that Stef had become my mom. She had become the one I'd go to instantly.

Coming out of my thoughts I realized my hand was still gripping the knob of the door as I had still neglected to turn it. Shit, I thought to myself. I just shouldn't have come. I should've just stayed home and tried to forget about this and block it out like I usually do with painful crap. Everyone else had visited Stef earlier but my feet wouldn't move. Almost like they had been cemented to the floor as Lena had stood in front of me asking if i wanted to join them. I had immediately responded by shaking my head no. Even though I Ioved Lena and Stef equally I still had not opened up to her. But she knew, she knew how I felt about Stef.

"Callie, whenever you're ready. I will send my love to mom for you ok?" Lena sat next to me placing her hand on my knee. I didn't look at her because if I did I wouldn't be able to hold it in and contain my feelings like I wanted to. But it was hard for me to understand. Understand how she could try to comfort me when she was the one who really needed it. Her wife and soulmate, the woman she loved more then anything was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

"It's, it's ..I'm fine, really. I just don't like hospitals much. Please I'll be ok." I said still not making eye contact. She still continued to rub my knee as I saw Jude's feet come closer to me. I slowly managed to move my eyes up to his.

"Jude it's ok buddy I'm fine go see Stef. Kiss her for me."

"You sure Cal?" He asked hesitantly as I saw his red eyes from crying.

"Yeah go ahead buddy. Seriously I'm good." I lied. "Go see her."

" You positive Cal?" he asked again

" I'm totally positive buddy. Seriously believe me." I forced a smile on my face as I knew Jude knew I was lying. But he loved Stef and I knew he wanted to see her. Jude in some cases was a lot stronger then me.

"Ok, we'll be right back honey. If you change your mind it's room 6b ok?" Lena said leaning in and kissing my forehead." I still didn't make eye contact with her.

Later that night after Brandon drove us home my mind was wrecked. Mariana was silent but sobbing from time to time, Jesus just stared into space, Jude was antsy and Brandon tried to distract himself by turning on some random tv show. None of it helped.

"We just saw her this morning. I don't understand. I'm so scared. What if..?" Mariana said as tears started to fall from her eyes again. "I'm just so scared."

" Hey it will be ok. Mom is strong. She will pull through." You know she's a ball buster." Jesus went over to comfort his twin as she cried in his arms. They were just like me and Jude.

"Mom will be fine. Jesus is right. If anyone can get through this she can." Brandon said. We all just continued to sit there in silence as Jude laid his head on my shoulder. I didn't know what to think. My mind didn't want to go there.

"I hope she will be ok Callie. I love her. I love her so much. Like I loved mom." Jude whispered.

"I love her too Jude." He laid his head on my lap as I rubbed his back.

That was why I came tonight. Because I loved Stef. Even though I was completely terrified and my body knew it for it was rebelling against me. I loved her more than anything. But the fear was intense and was causing my hands to shake and tremble involuntarily and my legs were feeling like jello. But I proceeded to turn the knob ever so slightly as the anxiety crept up slowly throughout my body. I feared what I would see on the other side of the door. My stomach turned as I felt the lump in my throat appear. I swallowed slowly as I began to feel lightheaded. Breathing heavily I felt what I knew was a mild panic attack. But I did it. I sucked up my fear because I knew if it was me Stef would be there. She would be with me, hold my hand and stay with me however long I needed. And she had.

I walked into the warm lit room hearing the beeping from the machines. My eyes found Stef lying in corner of the room. As I assumed she was hooked up to about four machines and had an array of tubes sticking in the inside of both arms and a breathing mask covering her slim nose. I could already feel my eyes watering again and my feet became like cement as I stood halfway between her and the door. The rush of emotions and fear again flowed through my body like a flood. No, no she would stay. She would stay with me and hold my hand and kiss me even if she was scared. Slowly I walked over to her and placed my hands on the cold bars of the bed. I saw her chest moving up and down slowly. I didn't know if I should talk. I didn't know if she would hear me. I stood there speechless as the tears fell from my face like waterfalls. Thinking back to just last night when we were all cuddled around the fireplace watching Stephen King's, _IT_. It had been Jesus' choice and somehow he had convinced us all to watch it. I was hesitant myself since I didn't much care for creepy movies so I sat in the kitchen playing on my phone. A few minutes later Stef appeared in the doorway.

"Hey my love not up for a movie?" She walked over to me and rubbed the side of my face as I looked up at her and she smiled. Her long blonde hair hung past her shoulders.

"Mm it's kinda creepy. I think i'll just go up in my room maybe read or something. I don't want to have nightmares." I proceed to scroll on my phone.

"Nonsense I need you in there to protect me." she said. I looked up at her doubting what she said and had to laugh.

"You're a cop Stef you're not scared of anything. Besides i'm only 15." I said laughing.

"Cop or not I'm deathly afraid of clowns. I mean isn't everyone?" her face looked creeped out and I laughed as she scrunched up her face.

"But yes, yes ok it was just partly an excuse to get you to sit with me." I smiled at her and she held her hand out for me to follow.

"Come on sweets, I won't take no for an answer." I slowly got up from the stool loving the fact that she came to get me. Everyone was already immersed in the move as Jude crawled up next to Lena and Mariana. Jesus was sprawled out on the floor with Brandon making sure he saw all the creepiness front and center. I stopped and stood in the doorway unsure of where to sit as I saw the open space on the couch next to Stef.

"Come sit with me babygirl." Stef padded the seat next to her as I smiled walking over. As I sat next to her she wrapped her arms around me tight. I looked up at her as she winked at me and kissed my forehead.

"Ready to be scared shitless?" she said.

I laughed.

"Honey, language." Lena scolded.

"Love in this case it is allowed. Have you seen this clown? How on earth did we let this kid convince us to watch this. Good lord."

"Mom! Hush I can't hear." Jesus yelled.

"Can I throw something at him?" Stef whispered in my ear as I smiled up at her again. I turned my body and leaned back into Stef. She wrapped her arms around me tighter as I started to rub her hand. Something I'd never done. I felt her place her chin on the top of my head kissing it.

"Callie, I love you my baby. And 15 or not you're my little girl. I love you so so much." she said squeezing me and whispering in my ear.

"I love you too Mo..Stef." I realized I had almost let it slip again. This was the second time I'd caught myself in two days. I felt her touch the bottom of my chin to lift it up to look at me. She knew I almost let it spill out again too.

"One day love I can't wait to hear the whole word." I smile shyly as she kisses my forehead.

"But no pressure none at all. I'm just so happy you trust me and Mama and I can't wait to sign those papers Callie Adams Foster." My heart warmed at the sound of my soon to be name. It almost exploded out of my chest.

"Stef? I continued to rub her hand.

"Yes love?"

" Maybe I can be Callie Stefanie Adams Foster?" I said shyly.

I felt her stiffen but not in a bad way. I heard almost a mild gasp from her as if she was in shock at what I said. Again she looked down at me and turned my face to meet hers.

"Callie. That just made my entire..that made my entire I don't even know. Month, year. That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever asked me. I would love that you have no idea baby." She became choked up as she spoke to me and she was tearing. I wiped them for her as she hugged me harder.

" I love you Callie Stefanie Adams Foster forever." she whispered in my ear. I laid on her chest not seeing any of the movie.

"I love you too." My eyes closed as she rubbed my head and I fell asleep.

I was brought back into the moment with tears streaming from my eyes like never before when I heard Stef moan and she moved her head a bit. The lump re-appeared in my throat and I placed my hand on top of hers rubbing it like I had done last night. Comforting her. I didn't know if she could feel it or if she sensed I was there but I felt her hand move into mine.

"Mom. I love you. I love you so much." I leaned over and placed my head on her chest letting my tears fall on her hospital gown.


	2. Please Wake Up

Lena POV

The hospital chair was stiff and hard as I sat leaning over the bed holding my wife's hand rubbing it slowly. It had been three weeks and Stef was still in intensive care. How hard this had become was unspeakable and I was trying not to let my mind go to dark places. But it had. Despite a successful surgery to remove a bullet that had almost paralyzed her she just wasn't remaining conscious. This was unlike my wife. Stef was the strongest and fiercest women I had ever met in my life and she would fight tooth and nail always. Especially for our children. I had seen it numerous times. I looked at her face rubbing her soft cheek wondering where her mind was. I didn't know if she was giving up or not, but I didn't know would I do without this woman. I didn't know what our children would do without her. I just didn't know. These past few weeks without her had felt like an eternity for all of us and the dynamics of the household were a mess. Stef's absence was taking its toll on everyone, especially Callie.

Callie and Stef had formed a beautiful relationship. At the same time Jude and I had formed a very similar one as well. They both gravitated to the one they felt they needed the most it seemed. Jude had gotten close to me almost instantly and he was extremely warm and sensitive. Never ever a problem. But Stef had a real handful with Callie. Callie herself had never given me any trouble and obeyed me 99 percent of the time. But with my wife it was a different story. I'd see another side of Callie come out. She tested and tried Stef's patience to the limit. My opinion for there constant battling was because they were so much alike. It was almost uncanny the resemblance. But I had watched the bond form slowly almost happening overnight. It warmed my heart. I could see Stef glowing each time Callie hugged her and when she had almost let the word Mom slip out on more than one occasion. There moments brought a smile to my face. But now Callie was in so much pain, like a lost soul. She would walk around the house with the same large sweatshirt on that she refused to change. It was so large that it looked like it would swallow her. I had no idea why she chose to wear it but I didn't bother her about it. Until one night I found her sleeping on Stef's side of the bed. Her sweatshirt had pulled up a little and when I saw what she wore under it my heart sank. She had on Stef's uniform shirt and had been wearing it every single day. I knew then this girl was in extreme pain. Worse than I had imagined. Yes I was too in constant pain, all my children were and I was there for all of them but I knew them. I knew them well and they spoke to me about how they felt. Callie was just like Stef. She said nothing no matter how hard I tried. And I did try.

It was hard to believe that three weeks had gone by. The three most painful weeks of my life. The day I got the call that changed our lives was horrific. I had just kissed my wife goodbye only about an hour before when Mike rang my phone. My heart skipped a beat because he never ever called me.

" _Mike, what's wrong? What happened?" I said fearfully putting my pen down. As soon as I heard the silence on the other end I knew something terrible had happened._

" _Mike?" I said again becoming even more fearful. "Mike where is Stef?"_

" _Lena, Stef was shot." Mike said as I could hear the fear and pain in his voice._

 _My heart stopped. I almost threw up as I put my hand against my mouth not hearing the rest of what he had to say. My body became numb as I sat frozen in my chair unable to move._

" _Lena are you still there? Are you ok?" Mike said. I realized I must have zoned out for some time._

" _Yes, yes I'm here. What, what hospital? Is she ok? Please tell me she's ok?" I was afraid to ask more. I was terrified to ask._

" _She's alive but very critical, she lost a lot of blood, Lena. They are saying she will need surgery. The um ambulance took her to San Diego Memorial." Mike stuttered._

" _Surgery? Oh my god..ok.. I'm coming. Just please, please let me know if things change between now and the time I get there, please Mike. I'm leaving right now." I placed my hand on my forehead as I could feel a headache coming on._

" _Of course. I won't leave her side."_

" _Thanks Mike."_

 _I hung up the phone as the tears exploded from my eyes. My wife. My wife for only a few weeks and she, she had been shot. Critical ran through my head. Surgery ran through my head as well. I couldn't think and my mind was scrambled until I realized I had to tell the kids. Shit, the kids I thought. I barely could wrap my mind around this and had no idea how I was going to hold it together for them. How was I going to tell them there mom had been shot? Where would I find the words when I barely could believe them myself. Where? Wiping my eyes and trying to compose myself the best I could I called for them to come to my office. I just knew I wouldn't be able to hide my tear stained face from them._

 _A few moments later all five appeared in my doorway. There faces young and innocent looking. I didn't want to take their innocence away. Stef and I always wanted them to be kids for as long as they could and enjoy life. But truth be told we hadn't prepared them for this. I had to be as gentle as possible and convince them and myself that Stef would pull through no matter what._

" _Mama what's wrong?" Mariana said looking panicked. As I stood up I wiped my eyes motioning for them to sit._

" _Guys please sit I need to talk to you." They all proceeded to the couch as I took the seat across from them._

 _They all looked up hesitantly at me with anxiety in their faces. I was worried about all of our children but Callie was the one I was worried about most. Her relationship with Stef had become one of the most beautiful mother daughter relationships I had ever witnessed and I knew more than anything she depended on my wife._

" _Mama what is it your scaring me, please." Mariana said again nervously._

" _Guys," I started out slowly. "Um, mom has been shot." I heard them gasp before I could even finish._

" _What? What do you mean she's been shot.? She's ok though right?" Mariana vocalized. Jesus grabbed his sister's hand as I saw his eyes glaze over with tears. Brandon sat in silence looking down and putting his hands over his head._

" _Stef's been shot?" Jude looked up asking again to make sure he had heard right._

" _Listen loves let me finish….yes mom has been shot. She is very critical so they will need to perform surgery on her." I clasped my hands together looking at each one of them. Their faces white as ghosts as the innocence was knocked out of them at that moment. This was harder than I had thought. Whenever we had to address difficult things with the kids Stef and I had done it together. I had never imagined doing this alone._

" _Does critical mean she could die?" Jude said fearfully._

" _No love. Stef is very strong. Critical just means they need to extra care of her." I said looking into his tear filled eyes._

" _But we just saw her. We just had pancakes together." Jude said looking confused._

" _Yes sweetheart I know and we will see her again." I leaned into him holding his hand as I began wiping his tear stained face. " Guys, I know this is hard, I know it's very very hard but mom will be ok. We just have to support her no matter what. ok?"_

 _I looked up at Brandon who's eyes were filled with tears, Mariana was laying on her twin's shoulder wiping her tears as they stained his shirt. Jesus wiped his own tears. Callie, Stef's girl, didn't look up once. Jude held her hand and rubbed it._

" _Can we see her? Can we see Mommy?" Mariana said in a grief stricken voice._

" _Of course. I need you guys go get your things so we can leave. ok?"_

" _This is messed up. Where was dad? Huh? Where was he? How could he let this happen!" Brandon said angrily getting up from his seat. He was looking for answers. And it had crossed my mind too as to what had exactly happened. But I couldn't blame Mike._

" _Brandon, I'm sure your father did what he could. It's no one's fault. He feels just as horrible as we do honey. And we aren't in a position to place blame. Right now we need to focus on mom." Brandon stood by the window. This had just added to the complicated relationship he had with his father already. I knew that. Looking back at my kids they sat frozen._

" _Come on love's we need to go. " I said gently. As I heard my children start to get up I sat there trying to take a deep breath. I soon felt a hand on my shoulder._

" _It will be ok Mama." I looked up seeing Jude. It was the first time he had ever called me Mama and I didn't think the day could get even more emotional. Despite the pain I was in he gave me a little shine of hope._

" _Thank you love." I smiled at him as he gave me a strong hug." Go get your stuff bud so we can go ok?" I said wiping my tears again. He nodded at me. Looking over at the couch I realized Callie had left already._

Hearing Stef moan had caused me to come out of my memory.

"Stef, love it's ok I'm here honey. You just relax." I rubbed her cheek and kissed her gently again. I squeezed her hand and rubbed it softly.

"Stef, why don't you want to wake up love? Huh baby. Where are you? Where did you go?" I rubbed her face again. We can't do this without you. Our kids can't do this without you. We need you so much honey. I need you and my heart is broken seeing you in here like this. Its broken in half and I just want to look into your eyes again. Your beautiful hazel eyes. I want to see your smile. That smile I feel in love with the first moment I met you honey. Half of me is dying and I just cant keep walking around this life without you baby. You've got to wake up Stefanie Marie Adams Foster. You have no choice in the matter. Things have been a mess and I'm trying love. I'm trying so hard to keep it together for everyone. Mariana hasn't eaten one bite, Jesus won't wrestle or take his pills, Jude thinks he has to take care of everyone, Brandon hasn't played one note on his piano, and Callie….." I pause. " Stef, Callie needs her mom. I'm trying to help her but she won't let me. She wants her mom, Stef. And you're her mom. I know she loves me I know she does but she's waiting for you honey. She waiting for you everyday. So am I. Please don't leave us honey." I kiss her forehead lightly as I feel her move slightly.


	3. Leaving Home

Hi guys! Happy Holidays! Finally I was able to write Chapter 3. Sorry it took me so long but it was a hard one to write. I want to thank you guys for all your reviews, favs and follows. I'm so happy you enjoy the story and it just motivates me to continue writing it. It's a lot of fun to write and I have no idea where it's going but I'll just keep writing :) (By the way sorry if you see any grammar/spelling errors. I've reread it a few times and spell checked but always seem to miss a few. Sorry in advance!)-Stef1981

Callie POV

Wiping my tired eyes I slowly came out of my restless sleep feeling confused and somewhat disoriented. My foggy vision didn't help much as I had no idea where I was as I looked around at the unfamiliar moving darkness and heard the quiet whispers. But I soon remembered. I remembered that I had left home and had boarded a coach bus headed out of California only a few hours ago. I guess somewhere along the ride I had fallen asleep. I quickly looked outside to see if I recognized anything on the dark unknown highway. Nothing.

Rubbing my forehead I felt an ache in my stomach from hunger. I didn't even know what time it was. I knew I didn't plan my departure very well at all, I knew this but my heart...sigh my heart couldn't take it anymore and felt so heavy and weighed down. I was mentally and emotionally fried..maybe suffocated was the word. Suffocated by my own emotions and feelings that staying in that house another minute wasn't an option anymore.

It wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't Lena's, Jude's, Mariana's, Jesus', Brandon's or Stef's fault. No one's fault really but my own. I was the stupid one. Really stupid to get so attached, especially so attached to Stef. I should have known better. I should have known something horrible was going to happen. It was my luck. The only luck I knew. Bad luck. Maybe my nervous and terrible pessimistic thinking caused all this. It definitely did. Maybe I caused Stef to get shot...and because of that..because of me and my stupid self I was gonna lose another mother.

I shake my head at the thought holding my hands together and rubbing my thumbs. This messed me up. This family messed me up and got me all out of whack. I was fine before I met Stef and Lena. Totally fine and I had survived for 7 years without them. I didn't need them. I didn't need them at all not one bit, and I didn't want to be adopted. No way! No way at all. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to do this. I needed to! Of course I did. Cut all ties. Cut all feelings, cut all everything. I knew it was wrong of me to leave Jude. I knew it was terrible for me to leave him. What kind of sister leaves her brother behind? A shithead. A selfish shithead who can't hold it together. A horrible one. If you even could call me a sister anymore. I don't know if Jude will. I don't know if he will ever forgive me or even love me again. The only thing I had to go on was that even with Stef in the hospital her and Lena were still going to be his parents and I knew if anything happened Lena would still adopt him. He was an Adams Foster now and I'd always be Callie Jacobs no matter how bad I wanted to be Callie Stefanie Adams Foster.

Callie Stefanie Adams Foster. Sigh. What a dumb idea of mine. What a stupid idea I think to myself shaking my head. What was I thinking? What was I really thinking. I had a lot of nerve..a lot to think that… I held the thought back. Blocking the rest out of my brain.

Leaning my head on the window I see the heavy torrential rain falling and beating against the bus. It was so heavy you could barely see a thing.

"Nevada next stop!" I heard the bus driver announce over the PA.

I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I was out of California. I didn't even know if they knew I was gone yet. I had no idea since I turned off the mandatory tracking device that Stef had installed on all our phones. She ordered us never to turn it off or we would hear it from her. The last two times I ran away I had left the phone behind but it didn't stop Stef from literally tracking me down less than 6 hours later. Her being a cop didn't help. My mind goes back to her as I let out a little smile thinking about how angry and happy she was to see me at the same time that night. It had been a night much like tonight was. Heavy rain pouring and flooding. The kind of rain that when it hits you in the face it feels like little pins. I had no umbrella, no coat, and was wearing converse that kept sliding in the mud. I had snuck out that morning and hitched a ride up the coast of California. It was late, I was freezing, cold and tired. I was partly regretting my decision but stood at the dimly lit rest stop flashing my thumb hoping someone else would give me a ride. I remember I felt alone….like a small ant in a giant world of unknown creatures. Tears were running down my face as I shivered and coughed. My body was giving in as the cars whizzed by and I tired to pick up another ride. But I was hard to see until a truck stopped for me and opened the door. I was just about to get in when someone grabbed my arm yanking me off the truck step.

" _No you don't young lady!" I turned around shocked to see Stef standing there in full uniform in the pouring rain. She was drenched. I looked dead at her as she looked relieved and angry to see me. Maybe a small amount of me was relieved and annoyed to see her. But this cop wasn't letting up._

" _And you, I should arrest your ass! How old are you?" Stef said to the truck driver._

" _Ahhh christ, listen lady I was just going to give the little lady a ride to the next rest stop. No crime in that." he said noticing her uniform._

" _Picking up hitchhikers is a crime and this little lady here is my daughter!_

" _Shit." he sighed._

" _Get out of here before I have you arrested for abducting a minor!" Stef said angrily as she was still holding onto my arm tight. She slammed the truck door shut watching it pull away._

 _She turned to me._

" _Are you trying to get yourself killed Callie? Are you?" she said looking both angry and worried at me as the rain poured on our faces. It was making my vision blurry._

" _Do you know how long I've been out here looking for you. Do you Callie?" her eyes glared at me more intense than ever._

" _What's it to you? What's it to any of you, I didn't ask you to come after me! Don't you have anything else better to do? I yelled in her face._

" _You mean besides look for my beautiful daughter that I love to death who keeps running away from us? No I don't! I don't have anything else to do! This is what I do Callie! I come for my babies." her eyebrows were furrowed._

 _The rain was falling even harder on us as my feet dipped more into the California mud. I felt my feet sink in and my hair become 10 pounds heavier as I tried to pull away from Stef. But she yanked me back._

" _Don't you get it! I'm not your daughter Stef! I'm not one of your babies. I never was! I'm no one's daughter! I'm just some foster kid!" I didn't' want to cry but I was angry and upset at the same time. I didn't understand why she kept at me. Why she kept insisting on helping me, insisting I was her daughter, hugging me, comforting me. I didn't understand why she kept making an effort._

" _Callie stop it! Stop pulling away from me!" Stef grabbed both my arms forcing me to look at her. The rain was beating in her eyes. I don't know why she was out here getting soaking wet in the freezing rain for me. I didn't get it._

" _Callie look at me! Look at me now!" she ordered. My eyes resisted but looked in hers._

" _Baby, you must understand you are not some foster kid. You aren't." she held my shoulders to prevent me from fleeing as her words softened. I hated that Stef touched my heart. I hated it._

" _I am! I am just a foster kid!" Tears were exploding from my eyes. I had such a headache._

" _Callie you are not! You are our daughter. You are my little girl and you will have to understand that I will never ever leave you alone. Ever. If you keep running away I will find you! I will always find you! If you keep pulling away from me I will pull you into me harder. Lena and I always! Because we love you. We love you more then you will ever understand baby. You are not!... and I'll keep telling you this over and over again..You are not just some foster kid! You aren't my love, and it pains me that you think this."_

 _I was still trying to fight her. To not look at her anymore. I hated this. I hated it! Why did she have to come after me. Why? Why couldnt see just leave me alone._

" _NO!" I yelled._

" _Yes Callie my love! Yes! I'll stand out here all damn night if I have too. That's what I will do baby. Stand out here until you believe me." Stef's voice had gotten even more softer as she tried to get me to believe her._

" _Stop wasting your time and stop playing this joke on me." I said yelling in her face again. I look at her eyes as they appeared soft and worried. I was shivering._

" _Joke? Oh baby what are you talking about love.? What joke? And you must be freezing my love, look at you shivering."_

" _You and Lena you're faking. You don't really love me. You're only pretending! I know it. You can stop pretending and faking! Just stop it!"_

 _I tried for what seemed like the millionth time to pull away from her but Stef just wasn't having it. She only pulled me in closer._

" _Callie baby, we have never faked! God, love is that what you are thinking? she shook her head at my doubts. " I wouldn't even, we wouldn't even know how to fake the love we have for you. Our love, honey, it's not fake sweetheart. Never, ever."_

 _I looked down._

" _Look at me. Look at me now Callie!" I didn't want to look at her again. If I looked at her I might believe her._

" _Callie look at me!" Hesitantly I looked at her. She pulled my chin up and held on tight to my shoulder with her other hand._

" _You are my love. You Callie. Even from the first night I met you, you took my heart baby. You took it right out, and each day you have taken more and more. The love I feel for you, the love Lena feels for you that's real. It's as real as the love that I feel for Jude, and Brandon and Mariana and Jesus."_

" _They are your kids! Me and Jude aren't!"_

" _You are my kids love. You are! Callie you became my daughter along time ago. Jude became our son a long time ago. And the length I would go to help you, to protect you, to save you…..you have no idea Callie. You don't know baby but you will learn. You will learn and keep seeing how far I go for all my kids. I'd chase you around the world love and back again. Each and everyday baby."_

 _Stef was crying. I hadn't really seen her cry yet in the the two short months I've been here. But the tears were streaming down her face more than the rain._

 _I didn't say anything. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe her so bad and run into her warm, protective arms. But I was so scared. I was so scared to believe her. I was terrified to believe her._

" _Baby talk to me. Tell me Callie. We have come so far from that day. So so far. Why did you run baby? Talk to me." Stef pleaded. I didn't want to cave. I didn't want to tell her. But I could feel..could feel myself ready to explode like a boiling pot ready to boil over._

" _Please sweetheart. What are you afraid of? Huh my love?" Stef was hitting a nerve. Hitting the scary part. The fear. I just couldn't wrap my mind around why her and Lena cared so much. It couldn't be real. Could it? None of it. The camping trips, the movie nights, the trips to disney, the picnics, the hugs, the mandatory family dinners that I loved. The warm bed and warm house. The smell of fresh laundry and early morning pancakes. Stef constantly calling me her love. Lena always being gentle and understanding about everything. I was so scared. I was so terrified. But her voice. The way she spoke to me. It opened my heart for her. That was scarey._

" _Callie?" she tilted her head._

 _I was speechless and I didn't know what to do. I still wanted to run away because I was truly afraid of loving her. Afraid of loving Lena. It was the scariest thing ever. If this was all a joke and it would be taken away that would kill me._

" _I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to mess…" I started crying. Right there in the middle of some random highway I broke down in front of her. I broke down in front of Stef. The woman I used to hate because she was a cop._

" _What love? You don't want to mess what up?" Her voice was full of concern as always._

" _I don't want to mess up being in this family. I don't. I'm scared that I'll just end up doing something, and messing up more. ...I'm scared to love you back." I admitted it to her as the tears fell harder from her face and mine._

" _I'm so scared to love you all. I'm so scared. But I love you so much Stef. I love you and Lena so much already that... I..." I cried hysterically._

" _Come here baby." she pulled me into her and hugged me hard. I hugged her back tighter than ever._

" _Let it out baby go ahead let it out. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere my love."_

 _I cried harder in her arms. Years of tears. Years of pain. I hugged her so hard. I didn't care that we were both soaking wet, Stef didn't care that we were both wet either as she held me harder my face buried in her uniform shirt. She kissed the top of my head and my face._

" _Callie I love you. I love you baby. And you don't need to be afraid to love us. Never. It's ok to be scared. It's' ok my love. And you could never mess it up. It isn't possible baby. We are all human and make mistakes. That is life honey. No one on this planet is perfect but Lena and I will never and have never faked our love, we don't care how much or how many mistakes you make or will make. We don't care. We will love you and want you no matter what. No matter what. Ok my love?" Stef lifted my face up to look in her eyes._

" _Yes?" she said._

 _I nodded at her in agreement._

" _But you have got to promise me and Lena that you won't run away again. Please talk to us, please no matter what. I don't' care what it is baby. Promise me?"_

" _I promise..I promise." I hugged her again and laid my head on her chest. She held me hard rubbing the side of my face._

" _You scared the shit out of us Callie." she whispered. "I didn't know where my baby was."_

" _I'm sorry Stef." I buried my face._

" _It's ok my love. Its ok."_

 _That night I held onto her for dear life and Stef didn't let go of me anytime soon. She held me just as hard as the rain poured even more heavy on us. I had never felt so safe in my life._

I wiped my tear stained face thinking back to that night as I knew I broke my promise. My promise and vow that I wouldn't just take off. That I would go to them and talk to them. The promise I had made to…..my former moms. But...Stef wasn't here this time to find me. And if she didn't...if she didn't make it... I don't know.

My eyes began to burn as I touched Stef's uniform shirt that I had worn for the last few weeks under my giant hoodie that I used to hide it. I rubbed it on my face as the tears fell onto it. It smelled like her and my heart ached. I knew she would be disappointed in me. At how I have behaved these past few weeks. I was being horrible to Lena. I was and there was no excuse. Lena had found my joint, and my pack of cigarettes on more than one occasion. She busted me for sneaking in at 4am completely wasted, and for sneaking out after she had grounded me. Lena had never yelled at me not once but she had started to. I could see how I was draining her out. She pleaded with me to know what was going on in my head, she tried to talk to me every night, she signed me up for counseling and group. I didn't talk in them. I didn't know what to say to any of it. What was I supposed to say, "Oh I'm sad another mother might die on me." How dumb. I wasn't going to say anything. I just knew I felt like I was dead inside. Like I had no life, no hope left. Every ounce of happiness left my body and I was numb. I just couldn't take it anymore. Running felt like my only option. I'd start my life all over again with no memory of Callie Stefanie Adams Foster.


	4. Emotions

Once again I want to thank you all for your reviews and favs! Hope your having a wonderful holiday!

LENA POV

"Mama can I go lay down I have a stomachache?" Mariana wined to me as all five of us entered the dark house. I switched the lights on assuming Callie was asleep since she decided to stay home. Visiting Stef had been much too difficult for her, and I didn't want to force it. I understood. It was not easy by any means. If I was completely honest with myself, which I had not been, I was feeling both emotionally and mentally exhausted so much that I just didn't know if I had the energy to fight with Mariana about her not eating tonight again. But I knew I needed to keep my patience and remain calm for everyone. It was one of the only ways we were going to get through this.

Hanging up my coat I turn to my youngest daughter who sadly looked more and more skinny as the weeks went on.

"Love, you really need to eat something. How about a yogurt?" she looked at me scrunching up her face as I placed my hands on her shoulders.

"MMm, no too milky mama."

"Honey, I know you're upset. I know you are and I know it hasn't been easy on any of you but you have to eat something. It's not healthy for you to keep not eating."

She looked up at me concerned with her big brown eyes.

"You know mom wouldn't want that. She would want you and all of us to take care of ourselves. Don't you want to be healthy when she comes home?" I persisted as I studied her young face.

"If she comes home." Mariana voiced in a sad tone.

"Love, mom will come home. She will be ok. We just have to keep having faith. If we give up then what? "

"I'm just so scared mama. I miss her so much." My sweet daughter's eyes turned red and tears started to form as she hugged me tight.

"I know honey. I know you miss her. I know love." I rubbed her head as she squeezed me tight and I held her. As difficult as these last few weeks had been for me I knew it was taking a toll on our kids more then anything and they were running out of hope. They all just seemed to retreat more and more every time we left the hospital and it was hard to judge if these visits to see Stef helped or hurt our kids. I just didn't know.

"Listen honey, why don't you help me start a salad? I could really use your help. You don't have to eat it all just a little." Mariana looked at me hesitantly but eventually gave me an agreeable nod.

"Ok maybe a little mama."

I smiled pleasantly at her as she headed into the kitchen. At least I had won that battle but Jesus would be another story.

"Mama should I wake Callie?" Jude said softly to me touching my arm as I turned to look at him. With my head so full I hadn't even noticed him standing there.

My sweet Jude had been the one who was keeping me sane. Most nights he would crawl into bed with me and just talk about anything. I knew he could sense my heartbreak but I knew I had to be careful and remember he was grieving for Stef to come home too. I had to remind him daily he didn't need to take care of me. Regardless of how hurt and how much pain I was in I was still his mother, even if he wasn't adopted yet, and he was still my young son. Jude and Callie had been placed in so many unstable homes where they were forced to think and act like adults that it was just natural for both of them to revert to those roles. I had to make sure Jude knew he could still come to me and talk to me about his feelings regardless of how bad things were or could possibly get. He too infact loved Stef very much and called her mom.

"Sure bud dinner will be ready in 5." I smiled at him as he headed upstairs returning the smile to me.

Looking behind Jude I see Brandon making a b line for his room.

"B. Dinner in 5." I yelled as he neglected to turn around.

"Yeah sure." my son mumbled as Jesus quickly tired to make an escape upstairs too.

"Jesus come help me set the table."

The daily fights with him also about doing his school work, and taking his medicine were challenging. He, just like Callie had become withdrawn and distant and it was harder and harder to get through to him. His anger also increased.

"Not hungry." he said trying to escape again.

"Jesus it wasn't a question so help me please. Chop chop!" I clapped my hands together. He looked down at me and rolled his eyes. Something he did on a regular basis now.

"Jesus, don't give me that attitude. We've all had a rough night so please kitchen now." I pointed my finger to the door.

Hesitantly and slowly he walked down the stairs as I pushed him softly in front of me to the kitchen.

" Mama I'm not eating. Just I don't know if I can't stomach it." Mariana said as we walked into the kitchen.

"Mariana." I said frustrated

"You have to eat." Jesus said.

"Why? You're not."

"Doesn't matter what I do! I do the right thing."

"Says the guy who doesn't take his meds and is becoming a real jerk to mama."

"Oh you think you've been a model child. Aren't you the one who got drunk at the lame house party a week ago?"

"Enough!" I yelled forcefully." They both turned to look at me wide eyed as I was never one to loose my temper. These two were giving me a headache on top of the one I already had.

"You both are eating! I've had enough of the constant daily back and forth between you too! Mariana you will eat! I don't care if it's an apple, an orange a cracker but you are eating. I will not sit here another day and watch you waste away. Jesus quit the attitude and take your medicine now! And finish the damn salad so we can all eat together sometime tonight!"

I slammed the napkins down and stood in front of them with my hands on my hip. I pretty much had lost it.

"Ok. sorry mama you don't have to yell." Mariana said under her breath.

"Well how else can I get through to the both of you!"

"You sound like mom." Jesus said surprised as I stared at him. I sighed to myself.

"Look guys I'm just a little tired and need a tiny bit more cooperation from you both. I don't have the energy to be mediator."

"Sorry mama."

"It's alright just get the folks and things out Jesus. Please." I sat on the stool feeling bad for yelling at the twins. I probably needed a year's worth of sleep.

"Mama?" Mariana said while chopping a carrot."

"Yeah honey?"

"You think mom is gonna wake up?" I looked up at her concerned face.

"Of course she will you idiot!" Jesus snapped.

"Jesus!" I yelled.

"Well it was a stupid question! How can you be so dumb and ask that!"

"I wasn't trying to be dumb I just…"

"Jesus don't call your sister dumb she is free to voice her fears and.." I was interrupted by Jude running down the stairs in a hurry.

"Jude?" I said as he stood in front of me out of breath.

"What's wrong honey?"

"Callies gone." his eyes grew wide.

"What?" The headache I had only got stronger. Oh Callie not again.

"She's gone. I checked her draws, everything. She's gone. She ran away." Jude's face was filled with worry and panic.

"Oh my goodness not now Callie." I said quietly rubbing my head. Sadly, I wasn't 100 percent shocked she had taken off. Especially after our arguments the last couple of weeks in terms of her reckless behavior. I should have known. This morning she had seemed more off than usual but I didn't push her even if I should have. If was very difficult to get her to open up to me. I knew she was scared about what would happen with Stef.

" _Callie this isn't like you. Drinking, smoking pot I don't understand." Our daughter didn't look at me as we sat on her bed and she playing with her hands and fingers. This is where I needed Stef. Even though at times I got on Stef about turning off cop mode when she got home, when it came to Callie her discipline and interrogation always seemed to work on the girl. I didn't put that same kind of fear in her._

" _Callie, listen I know you're upset about mom," I said placing my hand on her leg._

" _You mean Stef! And I'm not upset." She got up quickly pulling away from me and walking to the window._

" _Ok…..Stef then. Look, honey I know you're upset. It's natural to be. If you weren't I'd be surprised."_

" _Well maybe you're just gonna be surprised. I'm not upset. In fact I don't care at all." she continued to look out the window._

" _Really? Then love why do you wear her uniform shirt?" Callie looked at me shocked and embarrassed as she fell silent. I wasn't by any means trying to embarrass her I just wanted her to tell me how she was feeling and to admit her feelings._

" _Honey it's ok to admit it. You are very close to Stef. Do you want to talk about her?"_

" _No way!"_

" _Callie, at some point we need to honey. It's been three weeks and you haven't said one word. The group sessions are there to help as well as the counseling. I didn't sign you up torture you. It's just another tool.._

" _Look Lena. I get it. I get it and all. But I'm not upset, I'm not hurting or whatever and I don't care. So these tools or whatever I don't need them. I'll deal with it."_

" _I don't know if you know how to honey. The drinking, smoking pot and slacking in school are not good ways to deal with it. Sweetheart those choices are going to lead you down a bad road. A road that you are much too smart to take."_

" _Well I've always been like that. What's it to you?" My ears heard the old Callie come out. The one that had given Stef hell, the one that had the attitude._

" _Callie, I'm on your side here love. There's no reason we can't speak respectfully to one another."_

" _Yeah, sure." She still continued to look out the window avoiding any eye contact with me as I sighed to myself._

" _Mama?" I looked over to see Jude standing in the doorway. I smiled as he broke the tension._

" _What's up bud?" He walked slowly over to me._

" _Made this for mom. It's a dreamcatcher. You know to help her have peaceful dreams while she's asleep." He handed it to me._

" _I think she will love it. We'll bring it with us, ok?" he smiled at me looking to his sister._

" _Cal are you coming?" I turned to look at her myself as her face froze._

" _Nah, you go ahead without me. It's fine buddy." she smiled at him as he walked over._

" _Cal, why don't you want to see Stef? Don't you miss her." Well if I couldn't get her to admit her feelings maybe Jude could. But I had to rethink that because I knew Callie always tried to protect her brother._

" _Of course buddy, yeah I do. I just um, I just have a lot of work and stuff to catch up on so next time, ok?"_

" _That's what you said the other times. Callie I'm sure she wants to see you too. It's not that scarey. We just all talk to her and let her know what's going on."_

 _Callie stiffened._

" _Jude it's ok I promise, promise I'll go next time with you, ok?" she said holding his shoulders softly._

" _You promise?"_

" _I promise."_

 _I don't know if Callie could make that promise to her brother or if she would follow though. He hugged her hard and she hugged him back. I saw her face turn red. Callie was ready to explode._

" _Bud why don't you wait for me downstairs so we can get ready to go. ok?" Jude turned to look at me and smiled walking out the room. Callie continued to look out the window. I walked up next to her slowly as I saw her body grow tense._

" _Callie, Jude is right. I'm sure..mom..I mean Stef would love to feel your presence there." I placed my hand on her arm._

" _Lena, I just wanna do my work. please."_

 _I sighed heavily._

" _Ok I will leave you alone this afternoon. But we will talk tonight. And remember as part of your punishment no leaving the house. No one comes over, nothing. ok?"_

" _Yes." she mumbled. I wanted terribly to hug her but each time I had the past few weeks she had pulled away. Prior to Stef getting hurt she had become affectionate with both of us._

" _Callie, Stef and I love you. We love you very much and I want you to know I'm here for you. I'm here for you anytime you need. Please know that." she walked away from me and sat back on the bed._

" _Yeah." I looked at her as she left me standing in the middle of the room like an idiot._

" _Callie I love you." She looked down at her books and said nothing._

"Mama maybe she just went to get air. We all need air lately." Marianna said. I had zoned out for a moment remembering my talk with Callie this morning.

"Or maybe she did bail."

"You're not helping Jesus!"Mariana scolded.

"I'm just saying Callie is known to bail when it gets hard. And mom isn't here to hunt her down with her built in GPS tracker."

"Guys hush!" I said. " Jude .." Brandon ran down the stairs.

"Whats going on?"

"Callie bailed again dude." Jesus said.

I placed my hands inside Jude's.

"Jude...Did she say anything to you?"

"No." He said shaking his head. "Nothing mama."

"Did she take her phone. Did you see her phone upstairs?"

"I looked for it. I looked all over so I think maybe she took it with her. I tried calling her too but it only went to voicemail."

"Why did she leave again? She promised she wouldn't."

"I know honey. She's just been in a lot of pain and well sometimes its easy to do what we know." Jude looked at me feeling defeated.

"Listen...hopefully she forgot to turn the tracker app off. If she didn't we will be able to locate her again."

I look at my phone and try to locate Callie's on the app. Turned off. I then rang it but once again voicemail. I decided to wait for the beep and leave a message.

"Callie honey it's mama...I mean Lena. Please call us when you get this message we are very worried. Please. We love you and just want you home. " I shake my head at our daughters impulsive decision to run for the third time.

"Ok. Guys listen. I'm gonna call Mike and..."

"Wait are you kidding?...the one who caused all this crap and got mom shot?" Brandon said angrily.

"Brandon!"

"No, he's the reason mom has been unconscious for nearly a month. He's the one who didn't do his job right. He should have been there and protected mom!"

"Brandon why do keep blaming your dad. I'm sure he did what he could." Mariana said sadly.

"Yeah ok how would you know!" He snapped at his sister

"Brandon enough! I know you're upset at your father. I know that I get that but we need to find Callie. We need to find her right now." My phone began to ring and my heart skipped a beat hoping it was Callie.

Don't go anywhere Brandon, and Jude it will be ok..

"Callie?"

"Lena? My heart sank as it wasn't Callie on the other end.

"Yes?" I placed my hand on my forehead.

"It's Dr. Rivera."

"Oh….yes hi..is everything ok? Is my wife ok?" I couldn't take anymore bad news or surprises.

"Yes, yes she's fine. Very good actually. Lena, I wanted to let you know your wife is awake. We've been monitoring her since you left and she woke up shortly after. We didn't want to call you until we knew for sure."

"Are you sure….she's...she's my wife is awake?" I stood up as my heart raced with anxiety.

"Moms awake!" Everyone said all at once crowding around me.

"Lena, I am positive. She already has asked me about a million questions. The first being where her wife and babies are." Tears fell from my eyes as my kids stood anxiously around waiting for me to give them more information. It was just like Stef to wake up from a coma and ask where her family was.

"She has them. She has them all right here! Dr. Rivera, I'm on my way right now and please tell her to stay awake, please."

" I'm sure she will Lena. She's a tough cookie there. Already insisting we let her out." she said laughing.

"That she is. You have no idea. Thank you so much! Thank you Dr.

"You are so welcome. We will see you shortly.

"Yes,yes."

I hung up the cell and started to cry as my children hugged me.

"Moms awake?" They all said.

"Yes she is. Yes she's awake loves." My heart felt it and it was ready to explode. I couldn't believe my ears that my beautiful love was awake and this nightmare would be over. A month of fear, pain, and heartbreak.

"Moms awake loves. Shes awake." I whispered to myself.

"Mama, what about Callie?" Jude said looking up at me.

My goodness. Callie.


	5. Awake

Thank you guys for letting me know right away that my other Chapter 5 had uploaded so weird! Fingers crossed that this loads correctly because my girl Stef is awake. :)

Stef POV Awake

"Mmmmm." I let out a low moan as I felt myself coming out of a strange and somewhat restless sleep. I attempted to open my very sore eyes slowly, but it felt like heavy rocks had been lying directly on top of them for years. I felt this...this strange grogginess and unfamiliar pain that radiated from the left side of my stomach down to my legs and feet. It felt like my whole entire body had gotten ripped into a million pieces and torn to shreds. Like a war. Breathing was ..breathing was difficult as I felt the tubes sit at the opening of my nostrils and the tightness of my chest. _What the hell happened to me?_ _And where the hell was I?_

My eyes which were fully open now but somewhat foggy scanned the unfamiliar surroundings slowly as my head throbbed with pain. Balloons, cards, flowers and pictures of..what..pictures of my babies and my wife were hanging on the wall next to me? Why _?_ My ears heard the sound of what seemed like monitors beeping endlessly and low whispers in the background. My heart began to race as my eyes moved around even faster. Turning my very stiff neck more slowly I thought my mind was playing tricks on me as I saw my ex husband sleeping in a chair beside my bed. Bed? Slowly I realized I was in a hospital. _What the hell happened to me?_ I questioned myself again but grew frustrated at my thoughtless mind.

I moved my hand slowly to touch Mike's which was resting next to mine.

"Mikk..e." I struggled to get the words out but it hurt like no other. My throat felt dry and horribly sore. Speaking proved to be harder than thinking. When the hell was the last time I spoke? Swallowing felt like a chore, everything felt like a chore. My eyes glanced back into Mike's as he looked at me surprised and stood up over me.

"Stef! Stef! Jesus you're awake. Oh my god! My god, my god you're awake. We were so worried….How are feeling, you ok?" Mike squeezed my hand and let out a wide smile with tears in his eyes. He was stuttering.

"Yeah...yeah I'm ok I think. Just feel like….shit. What... what happened?" I coughed loudly the more I spoke which caused the pain on my side to worsen. But as I thought what did he mean by I'm awake?

"Don't talk just relax I'm gonna go get the nurse, y'all be alright, y'all be alright." He rubbed my hand smiling at me once again and left the room. My eyes were still heavy and burning. My brain tried to search for answers again but it failed. I tried to go back to think..but...

"My, my babies,... Lena." I whispered to myself. "My phone…" Where were they? Were they in here? Did something happen to my loves? I started to breath heavy and close my eyes again from the pain I was feeling on my side. This was fucking annoying. The monitor I was attached to started to beep more frequently. What the hell was going on?

"Mrs. Adams Foster...You're awake." A nurse said walking toward me.

"We've been waiting for you to wake up. How are you feeling honey?" Mike stood next to her as I tried to catch my breath and she adjusted the beeping.

"Le...na, myy...myy babies?" I began to cough and the frustration I was feeling was reaching a new level.

"It's ok honey just relax your family is ok." The nurse was checking my heartbeat.

" My dear a lot of people love you. Your family has been here everyday especially that tall skinny woman. She never leaves your side." My heart felt heavy thinking of what I might have done to Lena or what reason I was in here. My eyes were heavy again and I could feel my chest tighten more. I turned to look at Mike.

"What.. happened..?" I said slowly.

"Stef you can't talk too much you gotta relax. Everything is ok." He should know me by now that that answer wasn't going to work regardless of what my condition was. He was avoiding my question.

"Mike...Wh..att happ?" I repeated.

"She's a persistent one." The nurse said who I assumed was checking my vitals now.

"You have no idea." Mike said to her.

"Stef, maybe we should wait till Lena comes."

I shook my head.

"N..oo..what happp..Mike?" He looked at me concerned again as if he didn't want to say and held my hand. I swallowed hard.

"Mi..kk" I began to cough again.

"Mr. Foster she shouldn't be talking. She needs to rest."

"I...I've been resting enough." I said back to her.

"Stef...if I tell you you have to stop talking so much. Agreed?"

"Yes Stef anymore talking and I will put the breathing mask on your face." The nurse scolded leaving the room.

I nodded in agreement defiantly.

Mike pulled the chair over to me and began to slowly tell me what happened. But it seemed he struggled with a lot of hesitation and maybe guilt if I was reading him correctly.

"We...umm we responded to a call to some crack house….over on Maple. Didn't see much of anything neither of us when we pulled up. So we...we um walked around the house...didn't see anything until we heard screaming. We busted in ...and ." Mike hesitated again as he looked away from me. My eyes fixated on him.

"We busted in and I …." The last part he couldn't get out. I wasn't sure why but he sat with his face in his hands as I heard sniffing.

" Stef...I let you go in front of me not thinking.. and ..shots rang out …...you,.."

He paused looking down at the ground again for what seemed like more than a minute.

"Mik..ee"

"Stef ….you were shot at." The lump in my throat that I tried to swallow got bigger. My mind searched for this but I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember any of this.

" You were shot close to your stomach three times." he placed his hand on his forehead looking down again.

"Stef, I'm sorry sorry. I'm so so sorry. I should have gone in in front of you. I'm so sorry."

"Itss...its ok Mik..ee. It wasn't ..your fault." He held my hand tight.

"I let the mother of our son get shot. I…..Stef you have been unconscious for month."

My thoughts stopped. My mind froze. I thought my hearing had failed me. Not...not the fact that I was shot..not that at all but did he say a month? I've been unconscious for a month. A month? My mind raced as I felt my breathing grow heavier.

"A...month." I said slowly. Mike nodded his head as he continued to cry in front of me.

"I should have gone in first Stef. I…."

But I wasn't listening. My mind couldn't get past ….a month.

"Stef!?" I looked up slowly recognizing that voice and seeing my beautiful Lena running to the other side of my bed as tears fell from her face. Mike quickly got up and wiped his eyes not wanting Lena to see he had broken down.

"My love, my love, my love" she said placing both of her hands on my face gently. " Look how beautiful you are. Stef." she kissed me. Kissed me softly as her eyes were streaming with tears. I swallowed slowly as she smiled warmly at me.

"Ba..byy." I said slowly. Lena's eyes were warm. Warm and comforting which is what I needed more then anything after hearing what Mike had just told me. I was scared...and terrified. My wife...my love was a sight for sore eyes.

"Shh..don't talk love. You're ok." she rubbed my face and kissed me softly again.

"Our.. Our..babiess." My eyes watered.

"They are here honey. They are here. We...we missed you so much honey. We missed you."

She leaned her face on mine as I felt her tears wet my face. My heart calmed a little.

"A..a month?" I said heartbroken.


	6. Not Going Back

Callie POV

I sat in the Mcdonald's eating my stale hamburger and cold french fries staring at the brown tile floor. Not that this food was doing anything or I was tasting it but I had to eat something because I started to feel lightheaded and nauseous. Ten minutes was all I had left until I needed to board the bus again and continue my journey to wherever I was going. As long as it was far away.

Looking down at my food my stomach was cramping as I never really ate fast food anymore since going to live with the Fosters. Mam..Lena always made really good homemade and healthy meals every night and it was one of the things I'd really miss. We only tended to have fast food if Lena had to work late and Stef was in charge of dinner. She usually let us binge on chinese and pizza while she ate out of the carton herself, feeding me some off hers since I liked to eat both.

I smiled as I pushed my fries to the side thinking back to how Lena would come home and shake her head as she saw all six of us sprawled on the living room couch consuming the grease and MSG.

" _Open sweets." Stef said feeding me dumplings from her Chinese take out carton. I smiled as I ate it off her chopsticks. We sat on the brown living room couch facing one another as Stef let me sample all the food._

" _Never had this." I said swallowing it._

" _What? Cals my love you've never had dumplings?" Stef said shocked as she ate the next bite herself._

" _Nope. Most foster homes didn't order us take out or let us eat it. Cost to much." I shrugged._

 _Stef froze and her face saddened._

" _Well, your time in foster homes is over my love. And nothing is too expensive for you so eat up." She winked at me as she fed me another bite._

" _They are good." I smiled widely._

" _You bet there good...Now since the rest of your siblings were lame and ditched us what shall we watch?"_

 _I thought hard as I took a bite of the pepperoni pizza and heard the back door open and close a few moments later._

" _Honey what is that smell!?" We here Lena scream from the kitchen. Stef looked at me._

" _Uh oh. She's gonna pissed we didn't eat that sea bass." I laughed trying to hold it in as Lena walked in._

" _Hi my love!." Stef said happily._

" _What are you two eating? It smells like a greasy..a greasy diner in here." Lena walked over to Stef and placed a kiss on her lips and kissed my forehead._

" _I resent that. That is the wonderful smell of Chinese and pizza..."Care to join us my love?"_

" _Pizza and Chinese." Lena repeated sounding horrified as Stef took another bite of her food._

" _Yes love. Tell me you never ate it."_

" _Honey I don't think either of you should eat that. It smells awful." Lena stood in front of the TV looking horrified at our greasy buffet of food._

" _Stef, what happened to the sea bass and brown rice I left in the fridge to heat up?" Lena spoke sternly to Stef._

 _It was sometimes funny to watch her scold Stef. Stef was a lot less intimidating without her uniform on and looked like a teenager when she wore her old t shirts and flannel pants with her hair down._

" _Love, no one wanted that." Stef winned._

" _Besides it's Friday ...and once in awhile a little grease and MSG is good. There's plenty of time for sea bass another night."_

" _Stef." Lena said annoyed._

" _Hey I grew up eating fast food occasionally and look how I turned out." I smiled as Stef placed the lo mein filled chopsticks in her mouth." she turned to me.. "Open my love," she said as I opened my mouth and she fed me._

" _Yeah look how Stef turned out." I said as Stef winked at me with a mouth full of food._

" _Yes I have spent the last 12 years trying to unclog your moms arteries only for her to clog them up again and yours."_

" _Ahh my love, live a little. It's not a big deal honey! We can't eat organic peas and rice all the time." Stef joked. But I could tell by Lena's face she didn't take the joke well at all._

" _Whatever you say Stefanie." Lena walked away._

 _I looked at Stef as she raised her eyebrows and froze with the food in her hand._

" _Damm I'm in deep shit now." I shook my head laughing as Stef got up to run after Lena._

 _Even I knew she was in deep shit. No one ever called her Stefanie._

I smiled thinking back to that night. Turned out Mama was upset because Moms cholesterol levels were a lot higher than they were suppose to be and she was just protecting her. But they had made up.

 _As I walked into the kitchen to throw out my plate I saw them kissing. I had never seen two women kiss before or be in love for that matter. But they really were and it warmed my heart. I stood in the doorway._

" _Honey, I'm not trying to kill your fun but you're not 25 anymore and the doctor said to watch your cholesterol. I worry about you Stef."_

" _Love...I'm sorry. I am. It slipped my mind to be honest. Sometimes I forget I'm not 25 anymore." Stef laughed as she held Lena's hands in hers._

" _My love, I need you around to help me raise these crazy kids." Lena said._

" _And I need you baby. And I promise to take care of myself better to help you raise these crazy kids."_

" _I'm sorry my love." Stef said._

" _I'm sorry too that I over reacted a bit. Callie probably thinks I'm a real stiff." Lena laughed._

" _No she doesn't think that honey. She knows how protective we both can be of them and each other."_

" _I hope so. I dont want her thinking_ _I'_ _m fun sucking boring mom."_

" _As opposed to what...fun sucking cop mom like me? My love, no one thinks that so don't be silly now and come here and give me a kiss." Stef grabbed Lena and I saw them kiss each other softly as I smiled turning around and walking back to the couch._

 _I was proud to have two moms that loved each other so much and treated each other with so much love. I finished the rest of Stef's pizza and lo mein._

I threw the hamburger down feeling my stomach cramp as I thought of Stef and Lena. Not only did I miss Stef horribly but I missed seeing them together. The more I thought about it the more my stomach cramped and the more I wished I was sitting around our family table with my seat right next to Stef's eating one of mama's meals. But I'd never have them again, and I'd never sit at that table again next to my mom.

I sighed heavily to myself as I took my phone out. I stared at the black screen as I saw my own reflection in it. I was too afraid to turn it back on because I knew if I did it would ring and I would have a million text messages. I didn't want to read those, not at all or even be tempted to answer the phone. I hadn't even been gone that long but it felt like I had been gone for a million years. I felt so alone, like I was missing six other people around me. And the truth was is that I was. The trip had been long and exhausting so far. Too long and it made me remember how lonely my life use to be. I shook my head trying to get those thoughts out of my brain. Nope, nope don't think that way Callie. It's fine. It's fine!

I played with my fries as I looked around. The Mcdonald's was, cold, grim, empty and glowing with ugly fluorescent lighting. Nothing like the warm lit kitchen we had with the light green cabinets I loved. Bring my cup to my mouth I smelled the hot coffee I had ordered and took a sip from the styrofoam cup.

"Yuck." I spit it out. It was horrible. Nothing like the coffee I shared with Mom….crap I meant Stef . Why did I keep slipping still and saying mom. Why? I was getting on my own nerves. I shook my head and I took another sip of the nasty brown water as I felt a small draft blowing on me. I looked down at the phone again. Nope not turning it on. This is the start of my new life. Callie Jacobs. That's right. Nothing can get me to turn that thing on. No way. I knew Mama...Lena probably left me a message or a text or something but I knew there would be nothing from…. Stef.

I took another bite of my cold hamburger looking back to make sure the bus was still there. I didn't want to get stranded in this town I knew nothing about. Plus I was looking forward to taking another nap as my head was hurting and I was tired from all this thinking. My body felt like crap from the way I had been treating it. Like crap. It was better this way I convinced myself as I took another sip of my coffee and saw two cops walk in. My eyes got big and but.. my mind ...what? Blonde haired bun. What? No way. No, no way! My emotions forgot for a moment and took over my mind. I squinted my eyes. Huh? I felt like my chest was going to explode. Stef! I got up from my seat…I stood up like an idiot. "Stef!" I yelled again.

"Mom!?Mom!" I tripped over the edge of the chair almost falling flat on my face as I ran to the blonde cop. Mom!"

She turned around and I stopped dead in my tracks. It's ...not her.

"Can we help you?" she said as my face turned bright red. I swallowed hard as they both looked at me oddly including the girl behind the register.

"Oh I'm..I'm sorry I thought you were...I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." I laughed awkwardly. The blonde cop stared dead in my face and neglected to smile back. I felt like an idiot.

Turning back around I walked slowly back to my table feeling defeated and heartbroken. How could I think that was Stef? How? I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry bad but I couldn't do that. I was an idiot. A real big one. I layed my head on the table as my mind just wandered all over and the tears I was trying to hold back started to form.

" _Stef! Stef!" I yelled as I ran up the brown wooden steps to the second floor of our house._

" _In here love!" I heard her shout back from her room. I knew Stef was getting ready for work so I usually made it a point to see her before she left, even if I didn't want her to think so. I always thought of some excuse or made up reason no matter how lame it was. I walked slowly over to her room lingering in the doorway. Stef was by her safe and placing her gun in her holder around her waist._

" _Sorry I um didn't mean to bother you.." I said looking down standing awkwardly in the doorway._

" _You never bother me love. You ok?" she looked towards me with a smile on her face. Stef always smiled at me._

" _Oh yeah, I'm fine I just ….um.." I rubbed the top of my nose feeling a little shy._

" _Come in sweets unless you plan on continuing to hold up the house by standing there." Stef said laughing as she sat on the bed._

 _I walked in slowly sitting beside her as she put her long hair in the usual bun she wore to work. Unaware that I was staring at her she looked at me and smiled again._

" _What's up baby? I can tell somethings on your mind." She rubbed my cheek. I sat thinking of some fake reason for why I came in here._

" _I umm...Oh um I was just wondering If you have a shirt I can borrow? It can be something old you know something you don't wear anymore. Nothing major." I couldn't think of anything else to say. This was pretty lame._

 _She looked at me surprised. I immediately regretted it as I saw her studying my face._

" _But if it's too much it's ok...I just um.." I felt so awkward._

" _No love it's ok. A shirt is all sweets?_

 _I nodded my head at her._

" _Sure love, but it doesn't have to be anything old that I'm ready to throw out. You can wear anyone you like. But, I must warn you I'm not much of fashionista you know. " She laughed finishing her hair._

" _Oh um anything is fine. I didn't do my laundry and I forgot to give it to you." I lied. Stef read my face and smiled once again. She knew I was lying. How could she not._

" _You know Cals, you don't have to make up an excuse to come see before I leave for work every morning." She lifted my chin up and I felt flustered._

" _I ummm." My eyes too embarrassed to look into hers looked down but she raised my chin up again so I was forced to look at her._

" _You don't have to be shy about it. I look forward to it." She said while squeezing my hand. I smiled at her._

" _Really?_

" _Yes love I do. I love seeing that face of yours." she winked at me._

" _Don't you think I'm...I don't know... that it's sillie. I guess I'm paranoid." I looked down again._

" _About what honey?" I felt her put her arm around me. "Talk to me love."_

" _MM..I guess I always want to make sure I say bye to you. Since...well.." I had told Stef I never said bye to my mom the night she died. I always made it a point to say bye to her and Lena ever since I became closer to them._

" _Since you didn't say bye to your mom love?" she kissed the side of my face near my temple._

" _Yeah. I guess I just ….I don't know get freaked out."_

" _It's ok baby I know you do. It will take a little bit of time for you to forgive yourself honey. Even though you didn't do anything wrong. We all get annoyed at our parents. I mean the last thing I said to my father was to take the car and shove it."_

 _I looked up at her._

" _I feel bad that that was our last conversation. But he knows I loved him, and your mom knows you loved her." She looked concerned at me._

" _Humans aren't perfect you know Cals."_

 _I nodded at her as my eyes fixated on the gun around her waist. It wasn't just the superstition I had about not saying goodbye each time her and Lena went to work, but I knew unconsciously I worried about Stef being a cop. I just didn't want anything to happen to her._

" _Is it scary?"_

" _Is what scarey baby?" She still had her arm wrapped around me but noticed I was looking at her gun._

" _Your job. I said looking up at her again. I mean I guess I get freaked out sometimes and I try not to think about your job too." I admitted to her._

" _I understand. Ummm it has its scarey moments or times because people can be unpredictable. But that's with anything love….You know being a cop isn't even the most dangerous job. Ice road trucker that for instance is a killer job I hear according to Jude.."_

" _Ice road trucker mo...umm Stef." My eyes got wide as I realized it almost slipped again._

 _Stef looked right at me and tilted her head._

" _Callie? she rubbed the side of my face._

" _You know one of the best parts of my day is this time we spend together before I go to work. You don't need to be paranoid. I can't promise that nothing will ever happen to me. Life is funny in the fact that we can't live it in fear. It's hard not to be afraid that something will happen to the people we love. I feel that everytime you all walk out that door. I'm terrified as a mom. As your mom. Most of the time I feel like I have five heartbeats running around outside of me."_

 _I looked into her eyes as they are teared._

" _Yeah?" I ask softly._

" _Yes. You kids." I smiled at what she said and hug her._

" _I love you my baby." I felt her kiss the top of my head softly which I always loved._

" _I love you too." I said smiling to her as her warm smile melted my heart._

" _So, you wanted to borrow a shirt I recall?" She said looking down at me._

 _Caught in my lie I looked down and laughed._

" _Yeah I figured that was a lie. No one would be caught dead in my stuff." she laughed_

" _No I don't mind it... but.. can I um..can I try your uniform shirt on?" I asked shyly._

" _Yeah? Stef said surprised but happily smiling._

" _Yeah...I mean if it's ok." She got up quickly and walked over to her closet to get one of her shirts out_

" _Stand my love." she ordered._

 _I stood up as she placed her shirt on me buttoning each button. It fit a little large but it smelled like her. I turned to face the mirror._

" _Well look at this." We stood in front of the mirror as we were both dressed identical. I looked up at Stef._

" _Callie love it fits you well." Stef said staring proudly at me and and somewhat emotional. I let out a wide smile at her._

" _I feel automatically tough like you." I said. "Callie you heard what I said. I'm not saying it again. You wanna rethink that answer young lady. Callie attitude, adjust it. Young lady don't you dare slam that door at me. " I said mimicking her and starting to laugh._

" _Oh ok! You think you're funny huh? " You think you're funny young lady. I will have you know that mimicking your mother is crime and I sentence you to 2 weeks of being grounded by wearing my flannel shirts!" Stef and I laughed as I hugged her waist and layed my head on her chest. She held me hard and close as always._

" _Oh my love. My heart beats extra for you sweetheart." She kissed the top of my head._

" _Mine too Stef." I wrapped my arms tighter around her._

I jumped up out of the McDonald's chair hearing the bus honk. I grabbed my bag and phone and ran out realizing I had fallen asleep!

"Wait! Please wait! Wait!" I said running behind the bus but it was no use. It was gone.

"Shit Shit Shit!" I stomped my foot on the ground and dropped my bags. I wasn't gonna cry. No way. I stood there putting my hand over my head as it was pitch black out. I didn't know what to do. How could I be so stupid and doze off like that. How could I? What an idiot! No matter how hard I tried my stupid brain kept thinking about the same thing! Stupid Callie! I paced back and forth. I had 3 dollars to my name and I had no clue where I was and what time the next bus was. I didn't want too. Nope I wasn't turning my phone back on. No way! Absolutely not! I ran back to the Mcdonald's as the sign was put up that it was closed. Shit!Shit! I sat on the steps. I didn't know what to do now. This day was turning into shit. I tried banging on the door but they waved me away. No way. No way I'm not going back. No way! I got up and headed to the side of the road. I had promised Stef. I promised her I know. But I couldn't go back and risk seeing her die. I couldn't. I missed her so much but I just..I couldn't handle losing another mother. I just couldn't. I stuck my thumb out. This is how it had to be. This was just the way it was. A few moments later a car pulled up.

"Where you headed?" The woman said.

"Just out of state."

"Jump in." I looked back at the McDonald's and saw the blonde cop come out with her partner. What the hell I thought. Shivers ran up my spine as I jumped in the car and drove off.


	7. Where Is Our Daughter?

**Hi all and Happy New Year! Nope I'm not baking or cooking for New Year's I did enough of that for Christmas. I had a long and exhausting week at work and all I wanted to do was write!**

 **So this was not an easy chapter and not an easy choice for Lena or for me to make for Lena! Not sure which choice was right to make or not. But it could be why it made it a difficult chapter. Some of you might be annoyed at her others not... I myself am curious what will happen. Either way I hope you enjoy.**

 **(On another note I started a new story called, Finding My Love, which focuses on Stef and Lena admitting their love for each other.)**

 **Thank you again for all your reviews and continued support! I definitely appreciate some of the ideas you guys suggest and will try to work it in :)**

 **So here is Chapter 7. Enjoy loves/sweets!**

LENA POV

"Don't you ever scare me like that again." I said holding my wife's hand harder than I ever had in all the time I had known her. I looked deep into her beautiful but tired eyes the ones I had missed seeing and longed to have look at me for almost a month. I had tried to be too strong for too long and the tears I had tried to hold back more than anything from my kids had continued to flow out of my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of them or in front of Stef but it was too much for me finally seeing that she was awake. That she was responsive and speaking. Seeing that the breathing tube she had down her throat for the past month was removed. Seeing her smile. That smile. Hearing her say my name, hearing her say the kids names. Having her looking at me and knowing she was going to fear, the anxiety being lifted. But as I sat here holding her hand, rubbing her hand, stroking her soft beautiful face I just couldn't help but think of how our oldest daughter was god knows where. It was the choice to see my wife first or run right after Callie first. Was it a poor choice? Was it a poor choice that I had let Mike look for her first while I came to see Stef for only a few minutes? Was I a poor mother? Had Stef chased after her first and come to see me after she found her? Would Callie think I didn't care? Would Stef think I didn't care? Would Callie think only Stef would go after her? What did Jude think? My head was riddled with pain and guilt. Completely riddled. I knew I had to face this and face my wife letting her know what happened. All the things that had happened this past month. But somehow as she looked around at me, and at our kids I had a feeling she already suspected things were very off and the earlier conversation I had with Mike had only set off Stef's suspicions even more.

" _Mike, she's gone. Callie ran." I said feeling that headache return stronger than ever as we stood in the bright, busy hospital hallway._

" _Christ. Are you sure? Did you try to call her?" I could sense the sudden panic in his voice as he was familiar with Callie running away as well._

" _Yes..I called, left messages. She has her phone off. She doesn't want to be found."_

 _Mike let out a loud sigh._

" _I didn't' know what do Mike. Usually I have no problem making choices..none at all but I got the call Stef was awake only a minute after I found out Callie had run away and...I had to see Stef to make sure she was ok for a few minutes but... I have got to go find Callie...She can be out there god knows where doing god knows what and I just.." I placed my hand over my forehead._

" _I just should have seen this coming with the way she's been acting. I should have seen it and...I'm so stupid how could I not.., how could I not." I whispered looking down at the beige tile floor._

" _Lena. It's ok. Don't judge yourself so hard. You couldn't have known. It's been a tough month and we have all been trying. You have had a lot to deal with. Dealing with your own feelings and taking care of five kids alone, and not knowing...well Stef. It hasn't' been easy and you've been doing a hell of a job."_

 _I knew Mike was struggling with his own guilt about the shooting and I had given him a hard time about it in the beginning. It was bad enough that Brandon was no longer speaking to him._

" _Stef would have known Mike. She would have. I'm failing as.." I looked down shaking my head. "I'm failing with Callie..I just can't get through to her.I've been trying and I knew she was off this morning..dammm."_

" _Lena you can't do that. You can't assume that or believe your not a good parent. It's not an easy job to begin with...and who's to say Stef would have known. You don't know that...no one does. The best thing you can do right now is relax, try to remain calm and know it will be ok."_

 _Mike placed his hand on my shoulder as I tried hard to listen to his words. But it was difficult._

" _I..just ...she's out there and I don't know how to tell Stef. She literally just found out she's been unconscious for a month and now this."_

" _I know. I know Lena."_

" _And that's assuming she doesn't already know something is up. You know once I tell her she's gonna fly out of that bed and storm out of here to look for her herself with that oxygen machine attached to her Mike. You know how she is Mike."_

" _Yeah I know….listen can you think of any place Callie might have gone? Any place at all?"_

" _No...she's..she's just been so withdrawn since this all has happened. Like a zoombie. Withdrawn and just getting into any kind of trouble. Mike.. she can't risk her probation again. If we alert her social worker or the police and they find out they will send her right back to Juvie. The last two times we got lucky. But this time I don't….I know she's in pain..I knew she was..."_

" _Listen I have a few friends in surrounding areas that transferred. Good friends that will keep this between us. Keep calling her as well maybe she will give up and turn her phone on."_

" _I'd like to say you're right but you don't know Callie. She's extremely stubborn just like...just like Stef." I said shaking my head and glancing toward the window of Stef's room._

" _You think, you think your friends would be willing to help?_

" _I'm pretty sure. We go way back. Last thing you need and Stef needs is Callie ending up in Juvie again."_

" _I know.."_

" _But...ummm what about that kid she was seeing? Wyatt?" Mike inquired._

" _I called him. Said he hasn't seen her or even hung out with her in a month….She doesn't really have any other friends. We had encouraged her but.."_

" _Lena, look stay with Stef for a bit...I will look around, I will stop by Wyatts, and alert my buddies...I'll call in 30 minutes."_

" _Mike…..I "_

" _Lena you're not a bad parent...you're not. " He continued to reassure me. But that feeling I couldn't let it go. It wasn't going to go._

" _It's been hard. I know. Take 20 minutes with Stef and we can trade. I know Callie is your little girl and Callie knows you're her moms. She knows it. We will find her."_

 _I sighed heavily to myself as the guilt rattled in my head. It was horrible and my stomach ached with pain._

Coming out of my thoughts I felt Stef squeeze my hand as she let out a soft smile.

"My..love.." she began to say slowly. "My love."

As much as I wanted to hear her sweet voice she had to take it easy but I had to admit hearing her, hearing her sweet voice made my heart melt.

"Don't talk baby it's ok." I rubbed the side of her face gently admiring her beauty as my eyes continued to tear and fog.

"Look who's here to see you. Look love." I glanced to our kids who were standing on the other side of Stef's bed. Tears rolling down there cheeks as well. She turned her head slowly to look at our babies who she just realized she had not seen in a month. I knew it was a hard pill for her to swallow. I knew Stef would notice Callie's disappearance instantly.

"My bab..ies….my sweet babies." I squeezed her hand harder and rubbed it gently. Our kids looked nervous as they stood frozen. Except for Jude.

Jude walked slowly over to my side putting his hand on my shoulder gently as he then looked directly at Stef. I wasn't sure if he was nervous or scared. But he had visited Stef with me everyday when she was unconscious and his drawings filled the room. Every picture he drew, every poem he wrote he addressed it ,To Mom.

"Hi mom." Jude smiled wide as Stef's eyes were watering. Prior to Stef getting hurt he had never called her mom. But since the shooting it was all he would ever refer to her as. I could see Stef's eyes widen as she heard the name for the first time. She let out a wide smile.

"Hi...hi myy bab.." she breathed heavy and spoke softly.

"Come here." she said stretching her arm out.

Jude walked closer to Stef not hesitating one bit and reached out to rub her hand. He sat close to her on the edge of the bed and leaned in to kiss her cheek. The sweet site caused more tears to fall from my eyes as well as Stef's.

"I..love that face." Stef said as she stroked Jude's face.

"I love it...baby."

" I missed you mom." Jude said.

"I...I missed you baby." Jude squeezed her hand again as Stef responded sweetly to him.

"Mom we missed you. We missed you so much." Mariana said speaking up. Stef turned to look at her, Jesus and Brandon again who remained frozen.

"Miss..thang,,,,"Your….beautiful baby."

Mariana smiled and leaned to kiss Stef on the forehead.

"So are you mom." I knew and could tell in Stef's eyes that she could see how skinny Mariana had become. It was more evident then ever as her clothes hung loosely on her.

"Jesus...hi my boy." Jesus stood like a statue next to Mariana with his head down. The guilt from his actions and behavior this past month were written all over him. He somehow thought Stef knew all he had done, how he had spoken, and how he had behaved.

"Jesus...come here lo..ve." Jesus was hesitant, but Mariana moved out of the way so that he could stand closer to my wife. He looked more troubled than he ever had in his life. He walked slowly closer to Stef with his head still down.

"Jesus baby...how are you?" Stef grabbed his hand as we could see tears rolling down his face. I knew our son had been in pain but he had kept it locked up. Locked up hard. Stef was breaking down his walls

"Hi. Mom." he said quietly."

"Hi,,my love. Can..can I have a hug?" Jesus looked at me and I offered nothing but a warm smile. His guilt was too much but I needed him to know he was human. That we were all human.

"Go on love hug mom." I ordered gently. He looked again at me then at Stef and hugged her so hard. I was worried about her wound.

"Be..careful honey…" I said softly. But even if Stef had been in pain she didn't show it as she rubbed Jesus's back gently as he cried in her arms. He cried so hard and his pain was unbearable to watch. I myself had not realized how hurt he was, how scared he was. It explained everything and in reality I had not been the best mom this past month.

"Mom ….I missed you. I missed you so much." Jesus cried hysterically burying his face in Stef's chest.

"I was so scared….I'm sorry mom. I'm so sorry mom." Stef kissed the top of his head trying to soothe him.

"It's..ok baby. I'm...I'm ok.I'm ok baby."

Mariana rubbed her brothers back as she began to cry again and Brandon had tears falling in his eyes as well. Everything we had all been feeling was coming out right now. Stef...Stef my love had a way of making everyone open up no matter what..regardless of her condition.

"I...m ok baby. I'm ok." she continued to reassure Jesus as she held on tight to her.

I couldn't help but feel my eyes continue to fog and glaze over with tears that were burning my eyes. It was then I felt my phone buzz and I was hoping to god it was Mike. I looked down at it seeing the text.

 _Still looking Lena. Alerted a few friends in other states. Heading to the trains and bus stations to see if anyone has seen her there.-Mike_

I looked up again seeing Jesus now sitting on the bed next to Stef, and Brandon leaning in to kiss her forehead. I knew I had to go and I knew Stef was wondering about Callie and I knew any second she was going to ask me. A lump had formed in my throat and the headache I had from crying and from the stress was continuing to build. I placed my hand on Stef's as she turned to look at me.

"Stef my love.." I began but she cut me off.

"Callie...Cal ran?" she said. My silence spoke volumes as I squeezed her hand.

"Kids why don't you go down to the cafe and get a snack..I need to talk to mom for a bit." I said sternly but soft.

They all looked at me not wanting to leave as I fully understood. But the minutes were ticking and we needed to find Callie before she got into any trouble. Assuming she had not already.

Jude held Stef's hand tight as I saw him look at her and rest his head on chest. Stef rubbed his head as I bent down to look in his eyes.

"Jude love...Moms ok now. It will only be five minutes and you can come right back up. ok?"

He nodded his head and looked up at Stef who had smiled at him.

"Im...im ok love."

That was the confirmation he needed as he walked out with the rest of our kids.

I sat on the bed close to her holding her hand once again as she seemed more alert than ever studying my face.

"She ran this morning honey. After we came to visit you this morning she ran while we were here. Mike...he's out right now looking for her, your mom is flying in and I'm going right after I leave here. I will find our baby Stef."

I looked into her eyes and I could see she was frustrated as she let out a deep sigh.

"Her phone..Lena."

"I called her baby. She has her phone I'm pretty sure but she turned it off. I'm hoping to god she comes to her sense and turns it on."

Stef looked down feeling defeated and turned to look toward the window.

"Stef my love, we will find her. I know...it's hard but you need to relax and try to get better. I will find her love. Just like you did, I will too." I squeezed her hand tight but as she looked back at me I saw the fire in her eyes as she shook her head.

"I'm comin...I'm coming with you." As predicted I saw her trying to move and then wince in pain from her shot wound.

"Stef , Stef, love you can't leave here honey. You can't. Your surgery wound is still healing and you have been unconscious for a month. They need to continue to monitor you love. I know...I know it's hard baby..but..

"I...can't sit here Lena,..Our baby is..I can't" she began to cough again. " My...my phone...give me my phone I'll call her.."

"Honey, honey...You have to relax your still not 100 percent and you're going to have to let me do this... I will find her honey. You need to rest your body. Our other kids need you so bad honey...they, they have been lost. I have been lost...But I can wait. Now that I see you, I know you're ok I can go after our little girl honey and I will find her. I will love." I knew Stef was struggling as she began to cry. I knew she wanted to ripe the IVs out and run to the car to go find Callie. I knew that.

She squeezed my hand as I leaned in and kissed her. Tears running down my face as hers ran down as well.

"Ourr daughter Lena...our baby...she, where is she?"


	8. I'm Sorry Mom

**Hi everyone! I know I have not updated this story in almost 3 months! I am so so sorry for that! I had hit a serious writers block with it but realized I should just write whatever comes to mind and get it out! Here is the next chapter and I would love to hear what you guys would like to see happen! Thanks so much for all your reviews. It's really encouraging!**

STEF POV

All I could think about was that my baby was out there, out there somewhere she shouldn't be. My head was ready to explode and all I wanted to do was rip these god damn fucking IVs out of my arms. Every single one! My heart, my heart just wasn't going to continue to beat if we didn't find my sweet baby. It would just stop and stop all together as I could feel it slowly doing already. I was trying very hard to remain calm but since I wasn't in the position to look for her myself I had to put it in my wife's hands and that wasn't an easy pill for me to swallow at all. This was my job. It had been my job the last two times and might always be my job if my impulsive daughter continued to make a break for it every single time life got hard. I knew her reasons the last two times. She was scared. She had been scared of our love, of our family and of messing up which she could never do in a million years. And I knew she ran for a similar reason this time. Me getting shot had scared the shit out of her and the thought of me not …...the thought of me not making it she wouldn't be able to handle. How could I not see it as my own fault? How could I not ? And how could I be so damn stupid as to get shot in the first place? What the hell had been wrong with me? What the hell happened? Mike's explanation wasn't enough as I wanted my own mind to remember that day but it just wasn't ready to as it was just going a mile a minute and the lack of control I had over everything right now was eating me alive. The doctors said I was lucky that the bullet had just missed my spine and had it been a little closer I would have been paralyzed. But paralyzed or not I'd go after Callie Adams Foster in a goddamn wheelchair if that's what it took. She may be stubborn but I would win the award based on my persistence alone with her as it was the only thing that worked.

It wasn't just my baby I was worried about. I was worried about my entire family as I could see what my condition had done to them. Mariana was thin as a rail, Jesus had guilt written over his entire face from god knows what, Brandon just, he just looked out of it spaced out, my poor sweet Jude….he looked like the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders. And my Lena. How could I not feel bad. How could I not feel bad about all of this and what it had done to her. Her face was so drawn looking, so tired, her eyes puffy, and she also was as thin as rail. The world of all our children, the world of everything had encompassed her entire being as I laid in this hospital bed for a month completely useless. The thought alone just angered me and all I wanted to do and all I needed to do was get my family back together starting with Callie.

I had left 5 messages on her phone but just as my wife had said she most likely had it off. I thought we had made progress, me and that little girl we had come so far. Very far from our first few weeks where we argued back and forth non stop and she just tried my patience for the hell of it. I knew Callie was reckless, I knew she didn't think things through all the time and I knew she would do anything not to feel pain, unfortunately. The first night Callie and Jude came to spend with us was particularly challenging as she watched me like a hawk. I knew her and Jude were afraid and I could sense they were almost terrified by my uniform alone. I could feel they both had had bad experiences with police officers especially after looking at Callie's record which was about half an inch thick. I surely wasn't pleased with my wife for bringing a girl home from Juvie for I feared for our other kids but I had to trust that Lena did the right thing. And a few hours later I realized she definitely had.

 _Walking into the backdoor of our house and into the kitchen I_ _instantly noticed a young girl and a very young boy sitting at our kitchen table with my wife. I thought maybe the girl was one of Mariana's friends and maybe her little brother but after getting closer and looking at her I noticed she had a black eye, cut lip and the right side of her face was all bruised up. Walking future into the kitchen to kiss my wife the two kids faces not only looked startled at me but terrified. The young boys eyes got wide as he appeared to be staring horrified at me as he clung to the girl almost shaking uncontrollably. Before Lena could say anything the girl screamed at us._

" _You're a cop?!" She said as the boy clung even closer to her burying his face in her arm._

" _Lena," I said looking to my wife who looked at me._

" _Callie it's ok my wife Stef…" Lena moved closer to the two terrified kids and I still had no damn idea what the hell was going on or who these kids even were._

" _No way! No way in hell are we staying here! Come Jude we are getting out of her now!" She said grabbing the young boy and heading to the front of the house. I walked toward my wife not understanding what in the hell she meant by staying here._

" _Love do you mind telling me what is going on and who those kids are?" Lena sighed and I could see a sense of guilt written all over her face._

" _Stef ….I tried to call you. Bill was in a bind." She said hurriedly running after the kids as I quickly followed behind her as we both saw the teen putting a jacket on her brother I presumed and grabbing there two smalls bags at the front door._

" _Get away from us!" She yelled towards me and as soon as I came into site the boy hid behind her. I could only guess they had some bad experiences with cops._

" _Callie, it's ok. Yes my wife is a cop but she won't hurt you. I can promise you that."_

" _No way! No way in hell! I've been around of enough of them to know they are all the same. Plus she doesn't want us here anyway!"_

 _Looking into the young girl face who I had learned was named Callie I could see how fearful she was, maybe just as much as her young brother who had tears in his eyes but did not utter one word. I looked to my wife who's face was heartbroken._

" _Callie, you are welcome here. You are love. And I am sorry that you have had so many bad experiences with police officers but I am not one of those. I can promise you that honey."_

" _Look! I don't trust either of you. Especially you!" she said pointing at me again._

" _Jude and I have been through a lot and we don't need anymore crap! I want my social worker now! He never mentioned you were a cop!" The boy who I learned was named Jude continued to hide behind her and I felt terrible for these two kids were a mess and the clothes they were in looked like they had not been washed for days and were filled with holes._

" _Callie, look let's try to remain calm. Please. If you calm down I can call Bill. ok? But I need you to calm down first. You are welcome to sit in the living room and wait for him. I promise but I think your brother is hungry and I can make him a quick sandwich and for you as well." Lena said softly as we both kept our distance for we weren't sure what Callie would do if we moved closer to them._

 _The teen looked at my wife who had an amazing calming effect on people. Even myself. But Callie was adamant about leaving as she didn't trust me whatsoever as I had not even been in the room with her and Jude for more than five minutes. She continued to hold onto him ever tighter as her eyes flashed me a look again making sure I didn't move at all._

" _Do we have a deal Callie? I will call him right now but you need to calm down ok? We will not trap you here or anything. But I can tell you Stef will not hurt you."_

 _Callie looked at me again in complete disgust and my eyes remained calm and gentle. She looked like she was trying to decided what to do but just wasn't sure._

" _Callie, love, my wife is right. I will not hurt you or your brother. Ever. As she said you can sit anywhere you like to wait for Bill and we can definitely make you a sandwich or my wife made a lasagna. At least let your brother eat some. Yes?" I spoke as gentle as possible but_ _realized I might need to take my uniform off in order for either of these two kids to be less afraid. I could see the boy was shaking terribly still as he had in the kitchen._

" _Jude, is it?" I asked gently as he lifted his eyes up to mine slowly while grabbing onto his sister. He nodded his head._

" _Are you hungry baby? You and your sister are welcome eat some." I smiled._

" _Don't talk to him ever! I talk for him. He can eat but I want Bill right now. No way are we staying with some cop again!" She held her brother tighter and walked over to sit on the couch grabbing their two bags. I looked to Lena who's face continued to look heartbroken._

" _Someone really hurt them...and I can't' call Bill because he's the one who begged me to take them." she said putting her hand to her forehead._

" _Well, we can worry about that in a moment. Let me change out of my uniform I don't think it's helping." I said looking back to the two terrified kids._

" _Stef, look I know you're angry at me and confused but I, I couldn't say no. If you had seen the way this girl looked at me and the boy I just didn't have it in my heart to say no." Lena confessed._

 _I had to admit I was annoyed for her making such a decision without me._

" _I understand love. Let me go change and we can figure out what to do." I kissed her cheek and headed upstairs but as I looked back Callie was still watching me like a hawk. I knew this would get even more interesting._

"Mom?" I looked up surprised to see Jude next to my bed. I hadn't even realized it or heard him come in for I was wrapped up in my memory. I looked up at him and smiled as he let out a small smile himself. Jude had come such a long way as well from the young boy who was terrified to make eye contact with me.

"My baby...my baby. Hi love." I stretched my hand out as he slid his hand into mine and sat on the bed.

"I wanted to see you before we went home. You know just to check on you."

"Your face is a site I love." I saw him smile again as I rubbed his cheek but he looked down away from my eyes. I knew he had a lot on his mind and I could feel his guilt a mile away.

"Jude... love?"

"Callie ran away mom!" he confessed putting his head down again as I squeezed his hand.

"I ..I know baby. I know she ran. But that's not your fault honey."

"But..we, we haven't been good mom." I swallowed hard as he still did not look into my eyes.

"You, you probably don't want to adopt us anymore."

I couldn't believe what he had just said to me as I saw tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Jude, my lo...my love...look at me." He slowly moved his eyes to mine as I held his hand even tighter than before.

"You, you are our son and Mama and I still…..we still want to adopt you and Callie baby. Even..more." I rubbed his hand as he began to cry.

"Callie has done a lot of bad stuff mom. She, she was drinking and stuff and out of control. I told her to stop. I told her mom she just she just wouldn't. She was sneaking out and and I heard mama say she was doing pot and stuff I don't…"

I let out a sigh and lowered my eyes in frustration at my rebellious daughter.

"Honey it's not your job to stop Callie from that. That's why me and mama are here. That's not your job love but we still want her. We still do and we have no plans on giving up on either of you. You hear me baby?"

I didn't want to show my disappoint about Callie's choices in the last month but something about it didn't surprise me. I had not realized what a short leash I had on her and had kept an eye on her constantly. I also didn't realize how my presence had kept her in line and how easily she had reverted back.I wasn't truly aware of the grip I had on her.

"I...I think she's scared mama... but she acted like she didn't care. But I knew she did. She wears your uniform shirt everyday." He confessed.

I smiled at that thought but could feel tears in my eyes.

"I know she is baby. I know...and mama is going to find her. Even...even if I have to fly out of his bed with this...damn machine attached to me I will find her too. I promise honey." Jude looked at me again but lowered his eyes.

"We, we gave mama a hard time."

"Talk...talk to me honey." The amount of guilt Jude was carrying on his shoulders was insane. I didn't understand why he felt like everything was his fault.

"Mariana doesn't eat mom. She...she throws her food out and never eats. Jesus doesn't take his pills ever, and Brandon doesn't play his music. Mama she tries, she tries and I, I…."

"You? what my love?"

"I try ...I try to do what you would do. I try to make sure everyone is ok...but I.."

"Sweets come here...come..come here." He came closer to me laying his head on my chest as I rubbed his head softly.

"Mom, I thought you were gonna die. I thought you were. I, was scared mom." He said crying into my shirt.

"I know baby...but..but I'm ok and I'm going to he out of her soon." I rubbed his head softly trying to get my guilt ridden son to calm down.

"But no one expects you or expected you to fill my shoes. No one ever love. I know it must have been hard and scary when I was gone. I know that honey but it's ok. You all are just kids and everyone handles things the best way they can baby. The best way. Look at me sweetheart."

Jude moved his head up a bit and looked into my eyes.

"The one things that will never change is how much I love you, how much mama loves you and how much we love Callie. Ever. Families go through hard times they do and I'm sorry I got shot. I'm sorry I scared all of you. I am honey. But I am going to be ok. I will. And I want you to do me a favor and I want you to be a kid. Be a kid like you have been a kid the last few months. OK? Can you do that for me baby?"

He nodded his head.

"I didn't mean to narc on anyone I just..

"I know my love. I know. I promise everything will be ok. I promise." He laid his head back down on my chest as I felt his breathing calm down a bit.

"I just hope Callie is ok. I hope she comes back mom."

" Me too baby. Me too."

I had to get out of here. I had too.


	9. AN

Hi all! I haven't abandoned this story no worries and thanks for being patient!-Stef1981


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